Family Friendly Juicy Sex Blog

PHONE SEX II

2004-10-13T11:41:00.000-07:00

By Stockton

Her: Hello?
Me: Hi! I'd like a big, blond black girl, please.
Her: What?
Me: What?
Her: A big, blond black girl?
Me: Your ad said, "Big girls, Blond girls, Black girls". I'd like a big, blond black girl.
Her: We don't have any.
Me: Oh. But your ad...
Her: We have big girls, blond girls and black girls.
Me: Do you have big blonds?
Her: Yes.
Me: Big black girls?
Her: Yes.
Me: Do you have a blond wig lying somewhere?
Her: (sigh)....Sure, here it is.
Me: Go put it on a big black girl.
Her: Fine, a-----e!
Me: What?
Her: Nothing. I'm big and black and I'm wearing the wig.
Me: How do I know that?
Her: oh, my god. Trust me. What would you like me to do?
Me: What are you doing now?
Her: I'm performing oral sex on you.
Me: Then how come you don't sound like, "I pfrmmn mowil thex om moo."?
Her: You know it's $8.99 a minute.
Me: Click.

TWEED POSES FOR THE LADIES

2004-09-22T15:02:00.000-07:00

Go Crazy Ladies

Trying to Make Friends

2004-09-13T15:29:00.000-07:00

By Tweed

I don't have many guy friends and I believe men need male friends. So, I found a nice little bar and hoped it would turn out to be a Cheers type of place. You know, with a Sam type bartender and a Norm and Cliff.

The place was called 'The Manhole'. I thought that sounded masculine, so I went in. The place was crawling with men - really buffed up, well dressed men. Great, I thought, maybe I can figure out how to dress well and get my body in shape so I can be like those guys on the Dockers commercials. And we'll talk sports and cars and women.

But that didn't happen.

These guys were into Dungeons & Dragons stuff and the Hobbitt and Elves; and lots of games with funny names. In fact, that's all anybody wanted to talk to me about - these wierd games I've never heard of.

I was asked to play 'The Angry Dragon', which I declined. Next was an offer to ride the "Fister"(apparently a ride they keep out back that requires constant oiling). Again I declined. I get nauseous on any type of ride. I especially hate those Tea Cup rides at Six Flags.

Then guys started talking about Shafts of Power and other Tolkien nonsense.

This place was not my kind of scene. But I must admit I got somewhat curious. Everyone there seemed pretty happy - and there was a lot of male bonding going on. I kind of began to wonder what it would be like to get all oiled up for "Get the Wood Elf," or "Wizard Staffing."

After a few drinks I decided that this might be a good place to hang out. I'm thinking about heading there next week. Everyone seemed pretty happy and told me I needed to loosen up a bit and to bring some oil next time. I'm hoping its for an all girl wrestling contest.

Things to Do List before Orgy

2004-09-04T22:37:00.000-07:00

By Stockton

My Things to do List Before the Orgy

1. Plan menu (I'm thinking Mexican, lots of Jalapenos etc)

2. Scotch-Guard everything

3. Find 12 women (have enough guys, don't know why)

4. Write out invitations (don't use list of people invited to kids First Communion)

5. Buy orgy favors/gift bags

6. Hide candles and any other insertables

7. Balloons (don't forget the balloons)

8. Decide on sit down dinner or buffet

INSECURITY

2004-08-29T15:58:00.000-07:00

By Stockton

I'm involved with a very beautiful woman. Sometimes I just get so insecure about her and other men. I know she loves me and would never cheat on me. Still, sometimes I get so suspicious about what she's doing and then I feel like an idiot once I find out what's really going on.

Example. The other day, I was accidentally going through her locked drawers. I came across something that looked like this:

I know what you're thinking. I was thinking the same thing. My lovely lady has gotten involved in....sky diving. I was shocked and I confronted her when she came home.

"You're jumping out of planes," I said, accusingly, thrusting the body harness in her face.

She just laughed and gave me a big hug. "You silly man. I'm sorry I kept it from you, but I've been engaged in high altitude construction work. That's my safety harness."

It's an odd career change for a cosmatologist but why would she lie. See, once again, I was suspicious over nothing.

"By the way," I told her, "we got more phone messages for a Mistress X. When will they realize they have the wrong number."

THANK GOD!

2004-08-29T11:07:00.000-07:00

A Massachusets Court ruled Friday that wearing underwear and nothing else in public is not indecent.

We beg to differ.

Oh boy, do we beg to differ.

SALUTE TO THE OLYMPICS

2004-08-27T06:52:00.000-07:00

We're not sure what event this is, but we thought it really showed the spirit of the Olympics.

You're all Gold Medalists in my book

FIRST TIME PHONE SEX

2004-08-25T10:42:00.000-07:00

By Stockton

I recently had my first phone-sex experience. I just don't get it. It hurt very badly and Dr. Smithback, at the Emergency Room, told me I should "get a new phone or sterilize my old one" and "re-evaluate your life."

BUTT PASTE WILL MAKE HER LIFE EASIER

2004-08-24T12:57:00.000-07:00

Take it from us, a little butt paste makes things much easier for your baby.

ALAN SAYRE, Associated Press Last updated Sunday, August 22, 2004 Boudreaux's Butt Paste sells itself

COVINGTON, La. -- Retired Louisiana pharmacist George Boudreaux hasn't needed Madison Avenue pitchmen to get the word out about his concoction to treat diaper rash. He just lets the name do it for him: Boudreaux's Butt Paste. "Would you be talking to me if it was called George's Diaper Cream?" Boudreaux recently asked a reporter.

Probably not. And a paste with any other name probably wouldn't have gotten attention from Oprah Winfrey, who featured Butt Paste on her show; ESPN, which, in a tongue-in-cheek feature, suggested it was partially responsible for Louisiana State University's jock-itch-less championship football season; and from Jay Leno, who displayed a newspaper ad for Butt Paste on the "Tonight Show" -- and said that he didn't want to know what it was used for.
The product went nameless for several years until a woman took her baby, who had a bad diaper rash, to see Covington pediatrician Buddy Terral. Terral, the story goes, offered to write her a prescription. "She said she was going down to George Boudreaux's store and have him whip up some of that butt paste," Boudreaux said. The name stuck.

After selling his pharmacy in 1994, Boudreaux began widely marketing his product, with manufacturing done in Alabama. In July 2003, with major buyers lining up for Butt Paste, manufacturing was switched to the New Orleans plant of Dr. Tichenor's, the well-known Louisiana mouthwash-antiseptic.

Butt Paste is now stocked nationwide by Wal-Mart and Target stores and Walgreen's will be adding the product later this summer, Boudreaux said. "It's instant name recognition," Crosby said. "How can you forget the name `Butt Paste?'"

Beaver Shot

2004-08-24T09:40:00.000-07:00

My wife and I went for a walk in the woods and took some really good beaver shots. Here's one.